Tag: hope

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Nail or Straw, What are Yours?

Tanyell

We’ve all heard the saying, “the nail in the coffin and the straw that broke the camel’s back.” And if you haven’t heard these sayings, they essentially mean that was the thing that ended it all, closed the chapter, and called it quits. The thing that finally made the person let go. The nail or the straw is different for every person. What shuts the coffin for one person may just be another hurdle for another person. What breaks the camel’s back for one person may just be another haystack to search through for someone else. Everyone’s breaking point is different. Everyone has a different amount of resilience and perseverance. Each person has their own reserve to push harder.


The struggle is some of us don’t know what our nail is, we have no idea when the camel’s back is broken, we can’t gauge our reserve, and we continue to push beyond the point of pushing. This usually results in devastation. What could have been a potential fix, a not now, but later, or a save is now a full-out disaster? The camel could’ve had surgery, rested, and been back on its feet; instead, it may never walk again. The coffin was nailed shut, but it wasn’t buried.


Understanding, learning, and accepting your level of resilience, perseverance, and knowing when to let go are critical parts of growing as a person, especially if you are trying to do something outside of your comfort zone or more significant than you. For me, that significant thing is raising a family and growing a business. In this journey, I’ve had to set clear mile markers to let me know I am on the right path. I’ve had to establish what my nuggets from God were and how I would recognize them and know that was a nudge to keep going. And, I have had to be clear on my nails and straws, the things that would signal me that it was time to let go.
For some people letting go feels like giving up hope, but it’s quite the contrary. Letting go is not only having more hope, but it also consists of having faith. Letting go is releasing power and control to an unknown and believing everything will be okay. Things will work out exactly how they should. Letting go is relinquishing the idea that we can make things happen, and doing this one more thing could shift the outcome. Letting go is hoping for a miracle while accepting whatever comes and knowing it will be okay. Letting go is preparation for the unknown.


Part of nothing changes, but everything, is understanding that things are going to be how they should. Nothing can change that. Accepting this is everything.


Here’s an example. We should work out, eat healthily, drink water, and be good to our bodies because doing these things can help us “try” to prolong our lives and live better lives. We can do everything in our control to aid this and try to make this reality, but in the end, we will all die; this doesn’t change. Accepting this reality is everything. There will come a time when we must let go and accept this reality. We won’t be able to do anything to reverse the clock, to stop the inevitable, and trying to do so will cause more harm than good. Knowing when that moment is, is knowing what the nail or straw is.


For me, there is a level of peace and empowerment in letting go. In some ways, it relieves the stress of feeling like I have to do something. Instead, I am passing the ball to God to the Universe. I am saying I have done all I can do. It’s your turn, do or do not do. This is a team sport, and I have gotten the team as far as possible. I feel this is also true in reverse. Sometimes God says I have done all I can do the ball is in your court now, do or do not do. And on the flip side, God can say okay, we have come as far as we are going to go; it’s time to exit stage left. We played a good game, now bow out gracefully. The nail.


The key to making real change and real progress is recognizing when these things are present. The next time you start a project or journey, create a list of nails for yourself. Give yourself permission to say if these things happen and my R&P (resilience and perseverance) tank is low or empty, I’m calling it. I am letting go and giving it to The Universe, and The Universe can either do or not do. Set markers on what a low R&P tank feels and looks like so you can recognize those feelings if and when they appear. Provide yourself with a let go plan. What will letting go look like? How will you let go? How long will you give yourself to fully let go? Then write your expectations from The Universe. How will you know God is doing? What will it look like, feel like? What will you do if God does, and what will you do if God doesn’t. Then have faith and hope, start your project and let go of the rest.


Once you have this plan, you can begin your new journey with a sense of security, knowing that you have a plan. Knowing that you are fully equipped to conquer whatever lies ahead.

carry on.

inspirational, Life strategies, Parenting

Live Inside Your Walls

Tanyell

After brushing my teeth, I begin to put the few things away that were straggled on my counter. As I cleared the things, I stumbled across a spiderman toothbrush cover. I picked it up held in my hand and begin to smile. It was covered in old, hard toothpaste. It must have fell behind my counter, because the kid that adored this toothbrush holder was now in college. I sat down on the edge of my bathtub and listened to the silence. The silence that was once bliss and desired more than anything in the world. Tears begin to stream down my eyes as I held this tiny toothbrush holder in my hand. I looked around my bathroom and it was spotless. Not a thing out of place. I had spent yesterday cleaning it which explains how this tiny treasure had surfaced. I had longed for so long the desire to have a spotless bathroom, you know the kind that you see in magazines. And finally the day had come, and I was sitting in my magazine worthy bathroom balling tears of sadness. Why was I so sad? I pulled myself up and got dressed. Life was so different now, my house stayed clean, I had ample amount of quiet time and I was never short on me time. My career was thriving, yet my heart wished for the ‘good ole’ days. The days when I had tiny feet running about. The days when I had people storming into my bedroom asking me for help. The days when I had tiny arms wrapping around my neck and pecking me with little kisses. The days when my days were full of joyful chaos. Why had I rushed those sweet days away? Why was I in such a hurry for things to be different? Sure, I loved my life now and I enjoyed how things were, but there was still those sweet memories of yesterday.

What is it that makes us rush our present, in hopes of a better tomorrow only to get to tomorrow and wish for another yesterday?

I find myself, as a mother of 9 children at home, hoping for better tomorrows. Hoping that one day I don’t have to fuss as much. Hoping that one day my house will stay clean. Hoping that one day I will have an hour to myself. Hoping that one day I will get a moment of peace and quiet. I find myself daydreaming of these tomorrows. The problem is while I am daydreaming of these tomorrows the today is a blur. As a mother of 1 child out of the house, I find myself wishing for yesterdays when he was tiny. I know all to well what is to come, wishing for yesterdays; however I still find myself hoping for better tomorrows.

It’s almost as though society has arranged it for happiness to be impossible. The system has been setup to never be satisfied always wishing for something. It would have us believe we are incapable of living in the present. We have been programed to be living in the past or looking to the future rather eagerly or anxiously.

I have spent a lot time talking about kicking down walls and living outside the box. But for a moment I want us to live in the box. I want us to stop and look around our tiny little box and recognize the beauty of our box. Not concerned with what is going on outside the box, not wondering how we got into the box, but simply enjoying the box. For a moment we aren’t going to try to rip down the walls and get to a better place, instead we are going to say our box is our box and it’s enough! Can you make up your mind Tanyell….. I know, I know it can seem confusing. But, part of living beyond the walls is recognizing that our walls are our walls.

Let me explain. We take the time to build our perfect little four walls. For me my walls consist of my husband, 10 children, a dog, cat, a few small animals, my private practice, our inflatable business, our spirituality and view of the world, and a few other bricks. I have been careful with building these walls, being very strategic with each brick. However, inside these walls is chaos, craziness, madness, messiness, laughter, yelling, love, tears, laughter, and a plethora of other things. People will often come inside my four walls and begin to tell me what I need to change what I need to do different. I sometimes find myself comparing my four walls to other people four walls. And slowly, the beautiful bricks that I have strategically placed and the perfectly carved wood I have placed, I begin to chisel and hammer down. I find myself beating my bricks up and cutting my wood up with should and could. I find myself saying I can’t wait until this brick is gone or this wood is moved so I can_________ fill in the blank. My once perfect walls slowly get destroyed piece by piece by piece. The light shinning through isn’t a bright happy light of promises of freedom. The light shinning through is a blinding bright light that forces me to cover my eyes. My walls are crumbling and it doesn’t feel good.

In order to repair the holes in my walls, I must begin to plug them with memories and moments of the present. Take time to enjoy the tiny moments that are happening within them. The heftiness of life and all of it’s imperfections. It means allowing my littles to sleep in the middle one more night while my husband and I hold onto the edge of the bed. It means wiping tears and cleaning non existence booboos. It means stepping over toys and framing literal wall art. It means listening to the yelling and screaming and the details of who did it. It means putting the phone down to make eye contact and fully engage in a 20 min story about a teddy bear and barbie doll. It means reading one more bedtime story.  It means walking into a bathroom with tissue hanging off the roll and toothpaste spilled across the counter top from little hands brushing little teeth.

Sometimes life beyond the walls means remaining in our four walls. Sometimes it means not allowing others to come inside of our walls and try to tear them down with their ideals and opinions. Life beyond the walls can mean seeing beyond our walls to know that everyones four walls are different and the beauty inside of each of them is to be held by the person living inside. Before you begin to chisel down the walls in your life, make sure they aren’t your four walls that you built.

After brushing my teeth, I begin to look around at the toys in the bathtub from last night baths, the toothpaste splatters on the mirror from big spits, the clothes on the floor that lead into the closet were pajamas were kept, the tissue dangling from the roll from someone who needed a piece to clean their nose. I looked around at the beautiful mess of life, fun, and memories. I took a deep breath, put my toothbrush away, and walked out of the bathroom leaving the mess for another moment. I went out into the living room and embraced myself for all the mommies and feels that were going to flood me before I could make my way to the coffee pot. I took the time and hugged each and everyone of them looking deep into their tiny eyes and feeling their tiny arms try to wrap around me. I hugged my bigs and remembered their tiny arms. I took mental pictures of this moment and listened to all the dreams and the plans for the day. I didn’t think about the dishes, the work load, the better tomorrows. I held onto this moment and closed in the holes of my walls so no light could get in and I could focus my eyes on the beauty of what was happening inside of my walls. And at that moment I begin to live life beyond the walls within my walls!