Along with being a full time mommy and a photographer, I am working on Masters in Marriage and Family! Which I must say I love. This semester I am taking a course which requires me to do a lot of reading. I just recently read an article on Equality in a marriage which got me to thinking. What exactly does that mean? This particular article was focused on gender roles and getting rid of gender roles to have more equality in a marriage. Their belief was that marriages with more equality were more likely to survive. Still I am confused as to what this really means.
They asked several couples if they had equality in their marriage and what did that mean to them. When a couple stated they did have equality yet the woman had her roles and the man had his, this was dismissed and consider traditional.
So I suppose I disagree with this article. For me I do believe in equality in a marriage but from a different stand point. When exactly did the old testament become history? I strongly believe that God made man and woman different, and that there are clear gender roles that we have as a married couple. When did it become wrong, to choose to stay home with your children and provide for your family on an emotional level.
When I look at what is going on with families, the children, and how high the divorce rate is I wonder if this has something to do with our conquer to become gender equals when we clearly are not. When I tell people I stay home they automatically assume that I am not educated, couldn’t get a job, or my husband has forced me to stay home. All that are false in fact my education level is higher than my husbands. This was a decision we made together as a family and a couple this decision was best for our family. That to me is what equality means.
Being equal to me means supporting each other, being each other help mates. Now I understand that everyone cannot make the decision to stay home financially, but for us we were blessed to be able to make that decision and God continues to bless us for making this decision. Being equal means that he supports me having a life outside of my children, and supports my photography and me continuing my education, being equal means I take care of my household so that is one less thing he has to stress about he knows that his kids are taken well care of and that he too will be taken care of. This gives him time to focus on his career and providing for his family. I am able to do photography and not charge sky high prices are be stressed out about getting work, because I know my husband will provide. This is being equal to me. Now don’t misunderstand there are times when he takes care of the household duties in fact every Saturday and Sunday are my “off” days and he takes care of the household. Being equal is trusting your partner in being able to make a decision without consulting with you first, no matter who “makes” the money. I know couples were both of them work and she still has to consult with him before making a purchase. Being equal is understanding one another emotionally and realizing when your partner is upset or needs your help without them having to tell you. There are times that I am emotionally and physically tapped out, my husband will step in and take over for me. There are times I have had to do more jobs in photography to help my husband out so that he can have a break. Being equal is loving each other as equals, relying on each other, communicating with each other. That is being equal to me, but to us we have “roles” that we appreciate and are thankful for. We are thankful that God made man and woman different.
So when people ask me am I afraid of him leaving me or what will I do if he leaves. I respond with I have a God that I can trust and have Faith in. I was strong prior to my husband and I will be strong in the event I no longer have my husband. Part of being equal is trusting one another and trusting that we have each others best interest in mind. Knowing that the only way to have 100% is to have both parties untied together. I am his rib and he is mine and without one of us we are no longer whole. So I respond why don’t you ask him what will he do if I leave him? I am an intricate part of his life as well! 🙂 So my whole thinking is when did it become a bad thing to be proud of your gender and have clear understandings of roles? When did we all start striving to be equal as genders. I am a woman and by no means do I want to be a man…
Tanyell Cole 
Amen! Beautiful post!
I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS…! and im nnot even married…! 🙂